But here's the kicker. The government has now decided to bail me out. I will get $70 billion. They say it's the largest bailout of a private citizen in our nation's history.
The reason I deserve it is because if I don't get this bailout I will not be able to remain solvent. I personally backed over 40,000 mortgages in the US with my steely grin and chutzpah. But, in these uncertain times that's apparently just not good enough. Some who own my mortgages were going to default (Edna and George, Jay and Carla, Betty and Fred I'm referring to you in particular you pansies).
In exchange for the money I've given the government a 30% stake in me. Good news? I still own myself. Mostly.
And you thought your money was worthless before this economic downturn. Ha. Quickly, start buying up gold coins! Or go on a quest like Super Mario, Sonic, or play Zelda.