Showing posts with label farmer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label farmer. Show all posts

Friday, June 12, 2009

Cardboard. Coming to a Grocery Store Near You

Apparently there is some massive subculture out there that advocates eating cardboard. I only discovered this today as I searched for random pictures that would hopefully incite riots of bewilderment. Here is a link to a website that sells shirts promoting the consumption of cardboard. I guess, in a nonsensical way, it makes sense. I mean, it's better that we eat cardboard than it eat us.
These people have already been consumed by cardboard. Don't let it happen to you or someone you love.

This could be your cardboard overlord.

Eat him before it's too late.

As it turns out, eating cardboard is also better for the environment. You produce less harmful bi-products, and don't have to worry about eating lots of other stuff. It thereby reduces farm costs (to zero), eliminating the need for irrigation (saving water), and allowing all livestock to roam free. It then frees up farmers to make more cardboard. Yay! And if that weren't enough, you will shed those extra pounds in no time. Dreams really do come true. With cardboard.

Flappy is the mascot of the cardboard council. He teaches children to eat more cardboard.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Welcome to Visalia Municipal Airport

I am currently sitting at Visalia Municipal Airport. We're not talking about Phoenix, LAX, Boston Logan or even Salt Lake International. We're talking Visalia Municipal. 

On the wall is a framed photo of a man with a cowboy hat leaning on an old biplane. Underneath the picture is a plaque on which the following is written:

SOL SWEET
FOUNDER OF THE VISALIA AIRPORT - 1927
"SOL WAS ONE OF A KIND, A GREAT AND MORAL MAN."
- NORMAN "SUNNY" SUNSTROM

I'm dead serious. Underneath it are two drinking fountains. This place was so busy, I had to ring a bell to get service and am pretty sure I interrupted either a birthday party in the back or a game of gin rummy.

The room is partitioned by a wall with a bunch of windows. On the other side is the x-ray machine and metal detector. On the partition is a sign that says: Be Vigilant. Oh yeah. I'm vigilant. Don't worry. I'll stop all those crazy jihadist farmers who want to take out their neighbor's orange grove.