Bill's Story: Chapter 3

When I went to get the paper this morning I saw my neighbor Ted. Typical right? Except he was squatting and hunched over something by my garbage cans. When I yelled "Hello Ted", as is my custom, he glared at me and made a hissing noise. I think he's probably a zombie. He was either eating a rotten bag of potatoes or a small child. I don't know how any of that got in my garbage. I take solace in the fact that at least he's not a raccoon. My dog Trevor got bitten by a couple raccoons last week. Doctors told me he has rabies. I know better. Trevor is now a raccoon zombie. I'm pretty sure both he and my neighbor are plotting to eat me. And then steal my flat screen TV.

Good times

So I did an image search for 'good times' and here is what I got:

He's definitely having a good time. I can't say the same for the horse.

Perhaps they had some good times before this. Or maybe this is 'good times' in comparison to the rest of their lives.

Jimmy Walker always has a good time. I mean, his finger is a stick of dynamite, and there's not much better than that.

I think this is pretty accurate.

Such good times.

Good times the TV show!

Good times mean different things for different people. Different strokes.

George Clooney always has a good time.

BINGO! Oh the good times.

"I'm a weird pedo-sausage freak" good times.

Of course. A rusty old truck. What could be better times?

Magical good times.

Sick pimp mobile good times.

Multiple Santas are always a good time.

Pepsuber

This was by far my favorite Superbowl commercial. Oh, and no, I did not watch the Superbowl, I just sifted through the commercials on hulu. The actor in this commercial is hilarious. He was in the show How I Met Your Mother, and probably some other stuff (Word has it that actors usually do more than one movie/show/commercial, but not necessarily).

Things Worth Dying For...

There are many things in live worth dying for. However, one thing that I wouldn't want to die for is murder. Not to say that states don't have their rights to electrically roast up or juice fry their worst criminal offenders... I'm totally for that. Kill the killers. What I'm saying is I don't think murder is a good idea. Really. It may or may not be hard to believe that, but it's true.

That being said I want to talk about homicide for a moment.

There are a lot of shows out there recently that are making bank off of telling stories about mayhem, murder, money and manslaughter. And while that's all well and good, (Or actually evil and demonic depending on your opinion), I had a friend who said something interesting to me a little while ago. He said, "I suppose I like watching these shows because they depict an aspect of the human ego that all of us possess, we all have the power to become as these killers, and it is intriguing." (Not a real quote) At risk of sounding insensitive to my friend who should seek professional help, that is wrong! We don't all watch those shows because we like to toy with the idea of the power gained from taking life!

I think we watch gore and insane murder mysteries for one simple reason. It is fantastic. (Meaning exotic and imaginative) It is a world we do not live in, like a galaxy far far away. I think the reason I like watching CSI, and not CSI Miami cause is sucks, is because I like watching them catch these beings who are anything but human. Murderers are not like you and me, they have become alien to a society that exists in harmony when death is not on the menu.

So, there's a show out there called Dexter. About a serial killer who kills serial killers. People love it. They root for a murderer. Is this bad? No, go on ahead! Watching that is no different than watching a discovery channel special about a tribe off the coast of the edge of the world who drinks cow blood for breakfast. It's not my culture, I'm not a serial killer. I'm not even a regular killer. But, by golly they are a fun bunch of people to make up stories about, huh? Like vampires or werewolves, except not as cool, and murderers actually exist in the world. Ok, so really, don't call me a creep for enjoying stories of death. If you do, I'll kill you.

No no, I'm just kidding.