Friday, May 22, 2009

Science proves you weren't an idiot

You know when you hold some 'common sense' belief and then later in your life some academic study comes out and confirms it? Well, it's about to happen to you again. Remember when you were a kid? No? Yes? Still trying to forget? Well, as a kid perhaps you, at one point in your life, went to the beach. Perhaps you didn't. Either way, my hope is that a some point you found a shell and for some inexplicable reason put it up to your ear (maybe your parents, older sibling, or a scientist told you to do it, or maybe you're just a little genius). What you were probably told, or most likely discovered, is that it sounds like there is another ocean in the shell when you hold it up to your ear. Well, recently, and the Oregon Institute of Saberhagen, scientists discovered that this long held theory is actually true. There is indeed another ocean inside seashells.
Dr. Pietrov Ivanovich, head scientist of the 'Little Shell, Little Ocean' project had this to say:

"For many years I was conned into believing that what I was hearing in the shell was the echo of my own blood pumping. I was always dissatisfied with that answer. It was just unappealing. I needed a sexier answer. I needed to believe in love again. I needed to rediscover my inner child."
And discover he did. Using state-of-the-art ultrasound equipment and a spare wormhole and stethoscope that were lying around in a storage closet, Dr. Ivanovich and his team discovered that there is another ocean inside seashells. "Some naysayers will say, 'Oh yeah, but what about the animal that lived in the shell? Wouldn't it drown?' That's just silly. It's a sea creature, of course it wouldn't drown. And, it's not much different than a person who lives by the beach having a pool. It's like having two copies of the same book in different places so you can read it wherever you go, except, unlike books, this ocean is portable," said Dr. Elaine Fischer, one of the scientists on hand.
(This is doctor Fischer enjoying her little ocean)

After Dr. Fischer's remarks I reminded her that books are portable. She looked at me like I had three eyes, which, apparently is true, but I also think that she didn't know books were portable until that moment. However, regardless of her book portability innocence, she did get a firm handshake and some loving hugs from school children and kids who never grew up everywhere. We always knew it. Thanks for proving it. Seashells do have oceans inside them.
(That's not a shell, but a chocolate bunny, which has an ocean of chocolate inside of it)

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