Monday, January 12, 2009

The Dangers of Sledding: A How to Guide

Sledding is a very dangerous past time. Almost as dangerous as wearing skinny pants on a regular basis. Let me tell you why in list form:

1. You might fracture a bone in your hand (that's what I did wednesday, yet some how I'm still typing)

2. Cooking eggs with one hand is a challenge.

3. Showering, dressing oneself, and styling one's hair takes some unique creativity with one hand.

4. Peeling clementines and other citrus fruits becomes extremely taxing.

Now, if I may, let me cite some good things about sledding (to the point of breaking your hand):

1. You can't wash your own dishes.

2. You have a good excuse not to tie your shoes.

3. When you slip and fall on your untied shoelaces and break your other hand, women will faun on you.

4. If you're lucky, one of your attractive care takers will fall in love with you due to the Florence Nightingale syndrome.
On this last note I will expound. Let me begin by saying that breaking any bone is a bother. It's inconvenient. It even hurts and itches from time to time (although one of my high school wrestling coaches always said if it's itching then it's healing - but healing or not I want to scratch it). But, even with inconvenience comes benefit. I, for instance, plan to milk this injury as much as possible. I might even dictate blog posts to people, have people read to me, tie my shoes, wash my dishes, and occasionally give me massages. And, even if I get some questioning look from whoever is helping me, all I need to do is grab my hand, wince a little and then look back at them gratefully saying, "I really appreciate it. You're my favorite." In a couple of days or weeks I should have successfully started a romantic relationship. I mean, nothing says romance like spoon feeding an invalid (That's me).

1 comment:

squirrelyearl said...

Milk that for all it's worth man.