Why I'm a Peacemonger

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all got rid of our leather, and wore some nice lace? Wouldn't it be nice if we could wile away the hours and days frolicking in the meadows, picking flowers and running up and down the beach like in that famous film from 1981, Chariots of Fire? Ah, it would be so perfect and serene. No one would talk loudly or bicker over Red Sox v. Yankees, or how raving mad Osama bin Laden is...they would be calm, composed and apathetic. Oh apathy! How you make us so carefree!

Why should we curl up in huddled masses under school desks when tornados and atomic bombs come hurtling our way? Let us stand up on the desks and embrace the world with arms wide open saying: "Oh Captain, my captain." We should have an international hug day where we go over to Saudi Arabia blow kisses to the Islamic Fundamentalists and hug the sectarian conspirators. Then they would see we're all in it for the peace and harmony, and they can do what they want, we'll still love them and live in our peaceful oblivion. That'll show 'em. Give peace a chance.

We need more of those simple-minded, inebriated, sweet love fests on the national mall like those of yesteryear. Where are all those wonderfully stimulating mind-altering drugs the CIA was so keen on using for their mind control studies? We need more of that. Fill up my bottle and we can dance in circles in the sun for days at a time and never find out which way is up or down. Munching on scones and sipping lemonade we can giggle and jest and live carefree. The man will be all by himself in his office with the blinds blocking the window, and the lights off, behind his computer, grumbling about the sunshine, but we, we will be free.