Freckled People Enlist Animal Help to in Takeover Bid

As you know from a previous post, freckled people are taking over the world.

The freckled people have now enlisted the help of several ingenious animals and people on their quest to take over the world. Here are some of them:

Spaghetti=Overrated

So spaghetti. I've decided it's overrated. Seriously. Americans need to branch out every once in a while. Like maybe try linguini, fettuccine, pappardelle, tortellini, ravioli, vermicelli, rigatoni, mostaccioli, manicotti, strozzapreti, radiatore, cavatelli or even campanelle.


And no, I didn't just copy those all from a list on wikipedia (ok, I did for some). But the point is, spaghetti is not the best pasta. It is the most consumed, that I will say, but I will never say it is better than half, or even a majority of the other pasta options. And, you don't have to use just RED sauce. There are pestos, and white sauces that are fabulous. And, stop eating sauce out of the bottle or can all the time. It usually tastes like tomato paste with a little oregano and basil. At least add some flavor to it if you have to use the pre-made crap. And, don't be afraid of cooking your noodles with tons of virgin olive oil and a teaspoon or two of sea salt. I promise you won't regret it. And balsamic vinegar isn't bad in there either. So enough with the cooking lesson.



It's true Americans could eat a little less KFC (JLo likes it), Burger King, Arby's, Carl Jr.'s, and frozen dinners. But isn't it fun to be slovenly? It's too much work to microwave a potato, so I think I should go to a place where it's pre-sliced, and deep fried so that it has no residual potato taste left. And corn dogs are better than eating a pot roast; and they're way cheaper. And with corn in the title, it's like I'm getting a two for one deal: a hot dog AND corn. I'm a friggin genius.




But then on the other side, I could sit around and eat just yogurt and lentils. Ah, then I'd be happy. And my farts would smell like gum drops I bet. I could frolic in a meadow with 12 necklaces around my neck and another 45 around my waist and read poetry to the squirrels. They would love me and bring over acorn tea and massage my feet with their bushy tails. Ah yes, and for breakfast we could eat amaranth and buckwheat and take rodent-sized dumps in the woods, or just go number 1 out the side that should be for number 2.

So perhaps the middle...is......No, it's not better. I'm living with the squirrels. And they better like fettuccine better than spaghetti.