The Internet is Sucking Out Our Brains.

(Yes, the brainsucking monster represents the internet)

Ok, I've milled this over a little bit.

Turns out, the Satire Report isn't generating the same kind of interest it used to. Some of this might be because I'm not longer in college or because most college kids aren't bored enough at school to read it (assuming they are my demographic), or because I just suck at writing. Perhaps I've lost my edge (assuming I ever had an edge). It might also be because I'm not as consistent as I once was (I'm willing to bet that's a large part of it). However, the truth is, most of the people who "visited" this site, just came for the pictures. People in the internet age don't have the attention spans to read whole articles (unless you have no life like me). In fact, most of my "readers" probably stopped reading this blog post after the first sentence (I know, unfair stereotyping, but c'mon, what did you expect?)

But there is a greater risk here. Sure, you might be disappointed if I stopped doing this blog (more likely you wouldn't care either way), but I think the person I would most disappoint would be myself. Why is that? Because I am unnecessarily addicted (connected, wired, glued, take your pick) to the internet. I spend WAY too much time reading articles, posting them on facebook, changing my twitter status, watching highlights and reading articles on ESPN.com, checking my mail, and basically living often times vicariously through online social networking mediums. What is happening? I'll tell you what is happening. The internet is sucking the life out of me. The online world is sapping my brain juice and feeding it to either the Matrix, the Deceptocons, or Bill Nye the Science Guy (possibly all of them).

(This woman is clearly being attacked by the internet)

But I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if I were the only sufferer of this brain-sapping, life-altering plague. There are more of us online social networking, blogging, article-reading zombies! We think we shape the world around us with our tweets and article reviews, but in truth we're just doing it out of lack of creativity, invention, or willingness to do something else that is probably more worthwhile anyway (That's not to say I don't workout, go running, eat things, go to parties, hang out, read books, play sports, try to get gainful employment, etc). But I could definitely limit my internet usage. I could call an old buddy on the phone (maybe go through all my phone contacts and delete the ones that hate me, or that I will never call). I could read several books. I could get some friends together and do something crazy MORE often. I could learn a couple more Italian and Brazilian food recipes. I could go surfing more. I could work at a real job (pending me receiving an offer) more. I could bone up on my Spanish, make abstract sculptures out of scrap sheet metal, finger paint with my toes, butt and ears, or build a sailboat. All good options. Oh, and I used to write more poetry. I could get back to that.

BAM! Look at all the non-internet stuff that I can do! And you can do. As Captain Planet (the environmentalist brainwashing tool that tainted our youth) would say: "The power is YOURS!" Or as G.I. Joe would say: "Now you know. And knowing is half the battle." Or as Larry the Cable Guy would say: "Get R Done!"

(Oh Captain Planet, you've destroyed the minds of so many little children. And to little guy that says, "heart" - you were unfairly ridiculed)