Friday, April 24, 2009
Canst thou imagine the dismal shock?! No sooner had the cup pressed my lips, when straightway I was seized upon by the putrid liquid, and made victim to its noxious nature. Yea, it would not be excessive to say that as those first few rancid droplets touched my palette, whereupon my tongue lay innocently at wait, every fiber of my gut rejected them, yea, from the very depths of my bowels did my body writhe and contort in expedient refusal, so great was my reaction. “Wherewith have I been poisoned?” exclaiméd I in earnest bewilderment. In my haste, I had poured the foul beverage without knowledge or notice of its insidious pungency. Upon further investigation, I was overwhelmed by the repugnant emanation of the jug from whence I had poured. Yea, so beset was I by the acrid stench, that I was prepared to submit myself to that gulf of endless misery and woe, yea, the darkest cesspool whose only inhabitants exist in a tormented state of continual wailing and gnashing of teeth. Else I should throw the jug away. Henceforth, should mine carton remain unconsuméd upon the marked date whereupon it is it to be sold, I shall drain it to the very dregs, and lay waste to all contents therein. For it seemeth better in mine eyes to suffer the loss of rations, than to embrace that potentially vile, curdled drink. T’would be fruitless to unbridle my wrath upon the bovine species, whose tender succor oft quenches mine thirst most sweetly. Nonetheless, when the bitter taketh the place of the sweet, and betrayed am I of my dairy treat—Vengeance will be mine!