Notice my haircut! Vanity.

When I get a haircut, I don't really do it for myself. If I can still see, it's good enough. But, - and this came as a surprise to me as well as it might to you - other people care. They like it when I'm neat and preened and looking like a super metro or some guy out of the fifties (like Dennis the Menace or Leave it to Beaver). And I'm not going to disappoint. I like being whipped around like a Hebrew slave. It keeps me in shape, hauling all those sandstone blocks with a perfectly styled coiffeur. I have to maintain balance, and constantly check my hair in bathroom mirrors and car windows. I do it for the people. I'm not vain. I just give the people what they want. They want a slick doo. Well I can deal with that.

I used to only do it for weddings, graduations and church, but now I see I can cow tow to the pressure of the masses and have my fo-hawk or messed up look and become a savior to the people. I mean, let's be honest, people are mostly ugly. And, if I can make this world a more attractive place by getting a haircut and styling my hair like a Hollister model, then I'm gonna do it. I'm in it for the ugly people. Like Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell, Danny DeVito, Joe Pesci and maybe a friend or relative of yours. I'm that altruistic. I'm in it for the little guy. I'm in it for the bald guy. I'm in it for people with nappy hair. I'm in it for you.