Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Don't eat me grease monkey!

"Oh no I couldn't."
"Why not? It's delicious."
"Oh, but it has so much fat."

Have you heard this before? Maybe the first person is you. Maybe you're the second person. Either way, you've given in. And good for you. If you're going to eat a tray of brownies, a gallon of ice cream, or a bucket of fried chicken, don't do it half-arsed. Gorge yourself in the sugary, fattening goodness.

I love to see people deny themselves the savory delectable treats of life in one moment and then turn around and eat something far worse. It makes me smile. I can't say that I haven't done it myself. An example I will give occurred just the other day. A friend of mine named Betty* came over to my house with her room mates. Fortunately for me, and my room mate Cletus*, they brought warm, deliciously gooey brownies. And, I had some high quality milk to wash it down. We chatted, and made merriment for a while, and then got down to business. Everyone had at least one brownie...but there were left overs. So, Cletus had another and I had another 4 to finish them off. I felt I had done my duty. Now, before I had done this, the other ladies were offered those same brownies, but for some odd reason, apparently they just didn't taste as good as they had before, or perhaps they were full...or maybe they just realized they didn't like the color brown. All very good reasons. So, we finished. And then, much to surprise and utter joy (slight exaggeration), Betty suggested we got to a fast food restaurant to eat some burgers. Wow. What a novel concept. So we went, and everyone ate a burger and me and my room mate ate 1 1/2 burgers (I know some of you are wincing right now at how healthy our choices were that night). But now, at this point, I was definitely not in need of any more food. You might even say I was full. And, I would have thought that the others there with me felt the same. I was wrong. Betty then said, "Why don't we go get some more burgers" such and such a place. At this point I couldn't help but see why all of her weekly exercising had gone to naught.

Please don't tell me you can't have another brownie, and then go off and lube your digestive tract with fryilator grease. If you are hungry for unhealthy garbage, eat it. Don't pretend to not like it only to eat more of it later. You are not getting any benefit from your pseudo-denial. But, you do make me chuckle. Give in fatty. Give in.

*Names changed to protect their gluttonous habits


Elyse Marie said...

Hmm...good thing you changed those names because I think someone might be offended by being called a glutton. Perhaps they just didn't want any more brownies? Maybe they just wanted a burger and it had nothing do to with the fat content? Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

I say we're all going to die anyway! Might as well die happy right?

Heather said...

Die happy, and not as a hypocrite! ;)